Flow

Todd Valentine and Todd V Dating

4 min read

Todd Valentine, who runs Todd V Dating, is a former Real Social Dynamics instructor who now coaches independently. His material is built around a repeatable structure for the first conversation, a specific way to handle approach anxiety, and a lot of live, in-person coaching.

Background

DatingNews profiled Valentine and reported that he was an engineering student at 18 who had done well at most things he tried but not at dating. The same profile says he has spent nearly 20 years working on attraction. His reputation, according to the profile, rests on live coaching: working with men in person, in real time.

He was an instructor at Real Social Dynamics (RSD) before starting his own brand. In the 2019 documentary The Pickup Game, directed by Matthew and Barnaby O'Connor, IMDb credits him as "Former Instructor, 'Real Social Dynamics (RSD)' & Founder, 'Todd V Dating.'" For the company he came from, see Real Social Dynamics and the rise of the pickup bootcamp.

On his website, Todd V Dating offers daygame coaching, bootcamps, mentorship, and online dating programs.

The System

Valentine teaches an approach in five steps he calls The System:

  1. Open. Get her attention.
  2. Premise. Say why you came over.
  3. Evaluate. Find out a little about her and see if there's a spark.
  4. Narrative. Have an actual conversation, with back and forth about each other.
  5. Close. Set up the next step: a number, or a drink right now.

The full walkthrough is in how to approach someone you're attracted to.

Openers

His examples are plain. "Hey, excuse me" gets attention, and "Hey, you're really cute. I wanted to come and say hi" states your intent. Beginners, he says on his blog, can reuse one opener every time and think in terms of "opening ideas" for the first 30 seconds instead of a perfect line. Openers that work goes further into this.

Daytime approaches

For daygame, Valentine recommends a vague time constraint: "I've gotta run in a second, but..." He says it buys about 30 seconds of attention, because she knows you're not about to settle in. For the number, his example is "I'm tempted to ask you for a drink, but I have one last question first," followed by asking for her number.

He also advises speaking loudly and continuing to talk at the start, since someone you've stopped mid-walk needs a moment to catch up. In his daygame course, he describes the 5 minutes after the number swap as the most critical.

Teasing and flirting

According to DatingAdvice.com, Valentine separates the two. Teasing is a statement about a person. Flirting is a statement about the relationship between you two. He starts with low-risk teasing about something general and moves to riskier statements only after getting positive responses. See playful teasing and banter.

His approach to approach anxiety

In a post on his blog, Valentine defines success for a complete beginner as walking up to a woman and making a sound. After that he suggests a ladder of 10-second interactions:

  1. Small talk
  2. Asking for directions
  3. Asking her opinion on something
  4. A compliment plus introducing yourself

Each step is a little more personal than the last. Because each one lasts about 10 seconds, the risk stays small. A sample line from the same post is "Hey, you're adorable, I wanted to meet you."

Approach anxiety covers the wider picture.

What to take from Valentine

  1. Start with a sound. If you're new, today's goal is to walk up to one person and say anything. Count it.
  2. Climb the ladder over a week. Day 1 to 2, small talk with someone at a coffee line. Day 3 to 4, ask for directions to somewhere nearby. Day 5, ask for an opinion ("Which one of these is better?"). Day 6 to 7, compliment plus your name.
  3. Memorize one opener. Use the same one for 10 approaches. After that, review which parts felt natural.
  4. Use a time constraint in daytime. Say "I've gotta run in a second, but..." before your first real line, then actually leave on time if the conversation ends.
  5. Plan the number close. Decide before you go in what you'll say, and say it clearly.
  6. Spend the 5 minutes after a number swap well. Stay a little longer, say something friendly, and leave on a good note.
  7. Log each approach as Success, Rejected, or Pass in Flow. Passes don't count toward your total or success rate, so only the real attempts do.

If she says no or shows she isn't interested, thank her and go.

Sources