Tom Torero and the rise of daygame
Tom Torero is one of the names most tied to daygame, the practice of approaching women in the daytime on the street. His teaching has a clear center: open with statements instead of questions, act as if you already know her, and let her do most of the talking.
Newsweek reported that his real name was Tom Ralis, that he was a former elementary school teacher from Wales, and that he was a prominent figure among London's daygamers.
His books and courses
Torero's book Daygame was first published on January 1, 2012, according to Goodreads. It collects field reports and advice from his street approaches. He also sold a video course, Conversation King, along with other daygame books and courses. The conversation method below comes from that course, as summarized on ThePowerMoves.
What he taught about conversation
Statements before questions. Torero's course warns against "questioning mode," where each line you say is a question and the woman becomes an interviewee. Instead, you start with statements about her or about what's around you. An example: instead of "Where are you headed?", try "You look like you're on a mission to find the best coffee in this street."
Act as if you've met before. From the moment you stop her, behave as if you'd met through a social circle. That means a relaxed tone, no apologetic opening, and an easy assumption that the conversation will go fine.
Let her talk about 90 percent of the time. The goal is for her to speak about her own topics: her work, her day, her plans. You steer with open-ended questions rather than yes/no ones.
Explore past, present, and future. If she mentions a trip, ask about the last one she took, what she's doing this weekend, and where she wants to go next. This gives you three easy threads from one topic. It pairs well with conversation threading.
Disagree on purpose, lightly. The course teaches strategic disagreement: a playful difference of opinion, such as "I'm firmly on the side of the dog people", keeps the exchange from becoming a list of agreements.
Switch the environment. Moving the conversation to a new spot, such as walking to a bench or a café, keeps engagement up. It also sets up an instant date.
Prepare your answers. Have a short self-introduction and answers to the questions she's likely to ask, like "What do you do?" and "Where are you from?", ready before you go out.
Body language. Keep a strong posture and a positive demeanor. See confident body language.
Approach and timing notes
In his writing, Torero preferred opening women who were walking toward you, so you meet face to face. He wrote that interactions under about five minutes before getting a number have a high flake rate, and that the best ones run around 7 to 10 minutes. He also noted that instant dates are good practice for beginners but make little difference to the result if the street conversation went well. For how this fits into a full approach, see day game.
What Newsweek reported in 2021
Newsweek reported in November 2021 (published November 12 and updated November 16) that Ralis secretly recorded sexual encounters with women and packaged the recordings into coaching products sold to men through his website, with packages priced between $99 and $299. Newsweek reported that after it contacted technology companies, Kajabi, PayPal, MailChimp, and YouTube removed his accounts or content, and Amazon and Lulu removed his books. According to Newsweek, he did not respond to its request for comment.
What to take from Torero
- Write three statement openers before you go out. Base each on something visible: her bag, the weather, the place. Example: "That's the most confident coat on this street." Use one on each approach and drop the question until she's talking.
- Cap your questions. For the first 60 seconds, ask at most one. Fill the rest with observations.
- Prepare your intro. Write a two-sentence answer to "What do you do?" and "Where are you from?" and say it aloud twice.
- Aim for 7 to 10 minutes of conversation before you ask for a number. Check the time on your phone after the approach and log the length.
- Use the three-tense question. With one topic, ask a past, a present, and a future question.
- Log each one in Flow. Mark what you opened with and whether you used a statement. A no, or her walking on, means you thank her and stop.