The pickup glossary: sets, openers, IOIs, frames, and more

Pickup forums can read like a different language. Someone "opened a two-set with a situational opener, got IOIs, hit a sticking point at the number close." Translated, he talked to two women, they seemed interested, and he froze when it was time to ask for a number.

This glossary covers the terms you'll actually run into. Definitions are neutral: what the word means in the community. Where a term describes something manipulative, disrespectful, or dehumanizing, it's flagged with (manipulative) or (avoid) and a short note on why. For the bigger picture, start with what pickup is.

The basics

PUA. Pickup artist. Someone who teaches or practices pickup. Also used for the community as a whole ("PUA forums").

Seduction community. The wider scene of forums, coaches, books, and local groups. Took shape on the Usenet group alt.seduction.fast in the 1990s. More in the history of the pickup community.

Sarging. Going out to approach people. "Sarging" and "going out to sarge" are the old forum terms.

In field / infield. Out in the real world approaching, as opposed to reading theory at home. "Infield footage" means recorded real interactions, often filmed without the other person's knowledge, which raises obvious consent problems.

Set. A person or group you approach. A "two-set" is two people, a "three-set" is three, and so on. "Mixed set" means men and women together.

Wing / wingman. A friend who goes out with you, for company, accountability, and feedback.

Bootcamp. A paid program, often a weekend, where an instructor takes a small group out and coaches them live.

Lair. A local group of men in the community who meet up, go out together, and swap notes.

Field report (FR). A written account of a night out or a single approach, usually posted for feedback. How to write a useful one is in how to write a field report.

Approaching

Cold approach. Starting a conversation with a stranger with no introduction or shared context. The center of most pickup practice.

Warm approach / social circle. Meeting people through friends, work, classes, or anywhere you have some existing connection.

Day game. Approaching during the day: on the street, in shops, at cafes, in parks.

Night game. Approaching at night in bars, clubs, and parties.

Opener. The first thing you say. Pickup splits these into types:

• Direct opener. States interest plainly. "Hi, I saw you and thought you looked interesting, so I wanted to say hello."
• Indirect opener. Starts with something other than interest, like a question or a comment.
• Situational opener. Comments on something you're both experiencing. "Is that line always this long?"
• Opinion opener. Asks for an opinion on a topic. Often scripted, which is where it gets awkward.

Approach anxiety (AA). The nerves or dread before approaching someone. Nearly universal and very beatable.

Three-second rule. The idea that you should approach within three seconds of noticing someone, before your brain talks you out of it. A useful trick for nerves rather than a law.

Peacocking. Wearing something attention-grabbing (a loud hat, unusual jewelry) to invite conversation. Mostly dated now. Dressing well in a way that fits you works better.

False time constraint (FTC). Saying early on that you can only stay a minute, so the other person relaxes. If it's true, it's considerate. If it's a made-up line, it's a small deception (manipulative). Just be honest about how long you have.

Conversation and attraction

IOI (indicator of interest). A sign someone is interested in you: they turn toward you, ask questions back, stay when they could leave, touch your arm.

IOD (indicator of disinterest). The opposite: short answers, body angled away, looking past you, checking their phone. Treat IODs as information and wrap up warmly.

Hook point. The moment a conversation shifts from polite to genuinely engaged, when the other person starts investing.

Rapport / comfort. The phase where you actually get to know each other. Pickup models often treated this as a box to tick. It's the whole point.

Threading. Picking up on details in what someone says and following them to keep the conversation moving. A genuinely useful skill.

Qualification. Asking someone what they're about, or showing you care whether you actually get along. The honest version is just being selective. The game-y version is making someone "prove themselves" to you.

Cocky-funny. A teasing, playful, slightly arrogant style of humor. Can be fun when it's mutual. Tips into rudeness fast.

Push-pull. Alternating warmth and distance ("you're great... we'd never work"). Light versions are just flirting. Deliberately creating confusion to make someone chase you is manipulative.

DHV (demonstration of higher value). Telling stories or behaving in ways meant to show you're high status. Often canned. Real interests and a life you enjoy do this better than any rehearsed story.

Social proof. Being seen as liked by others, for example arriving with friends or knowing the bartender. Real, but you can't fake it for long.

Routines / canned material / stacks. Pre-written stories, questions, or games used in a conversation. Fine as training wheels. Delivered as if spontaneous, they're a performance, and people usually notice.

Kino. Community slang for touch. "Kino escalation" means gradually increasing physical contact. Touch should only follow clear, mutual signals. If someone pulls back, stiffens, or goes quiet, stop.

Escalation. Moving an interaction forward: from talking to swapping numbers, from a drink to a date. Fine when both people want it. Never a thing you push.

Close. The outcome of an interaction. A "number close" (#close) means you swapped numbers; an "instant date" means you went somewhere together then and there. Other "close" terms describe sexual outcomes. All of them frame people as results, which is part of why Flow doesn't use this vocabulary.

Flake. When someone gives you a number or agrees to a date and then doesn't follow through. Very common, and usually not about you.

Bounce. Moving to a new venue together, like from a bar to a quieter spot nearby.

Inner work

Inner game. Your beliefs, emotions, and sense of self-worth around meeting people. See inner game vs outer game.

Outer game. What you visibly say and do: openers, body language, voice.

State. Your mood and energy in the moment. "Being in state" means warmed up, talkative, and loose.

Sticking point. The specific stage where you keep stalling, like opening fine but never getting a number.

Frame. The way a person interprets a situation. "Frame control" is about whose interpretation wins. There's a healthy version and a manipulative one, both in what frame means.

Abundance mentality. The belief that there are plenty of people out there, so no single rejection matters much. Healthy as a cure for desperation. Unhealthy when it becomes a reason to treat people as disposable.

Outcome independence. Not needing a particular result from an interaction. One of the better ideas to come out of the community.

Oneitis. Community slang for fixating on one person. Mocked in pickup circles, but wanting one person isn't a disease. Fixating on someone who isn't interested is the real problem.

Terms to be wary of

These come up constantly. Each one describes something disrespectful, deceptive, or coercive. They're defined here so you can recognize them, not use them.

Target. Pickup slang for the person you approach. (Avoid.) It turns a person into an objective.

HB (as in "HB8"). "Hot babe" plus a rating out of ten. (Avoid.) Rating people by number is exactly the objectification the community gets criticized for.

Neg / negging. A backhanded compliment meant to knock someone's confidence so they seek your approval. (Manipulative.) Full explanation in negging explained.

AMOG. "Alpha male of the group," meaning another man in the conversation seen as competition, and tactics for undermining him. (Avoid.) Built on alpha/beta thinking, and treats a social situation as a fight.

Shit test. The community's crude term for a challenge or tease from the other person, read as a "test" of your confidence. (Avoid the framing.) Sometimes it's a joke. Sometimes it's a real boundary. Treating everything as a test is how men learn to ignore actual no's.

Obstacle / cockblock. Slang for a friend of the person you're talking to. (Avoid.) Friends looking out for each other aren't obstacles. Include them, and respect it if they want to leave.

Isolation. Getting someone away from their friends. (Manipulative when used to pressure.) Moving somewhere quieter is fine if they clearly want to. Separating someone to wear down resistance isn't.

LMR (last minute resistance). Pickup term for hesitation right before sex, with tactics for getting past it. (Manipulative and dangerous.) Hesitation is a no. Stop.

Freeze out. Abruptly withdrawing attention or affection to make someone feel they've lost you. (Manipulative.) It's punishment dressed up as technique.

Plate / spinning plates. Dating several people at once while each believes they're more exclusive than they are. (Avoid.) Flow doesn't condone juggling people or leading anyone on.

Notch / count. The number of people slept with, treated as a score. (Avoid.) It's the clearest sign of treating people as numbers.

Alpha / beta. Pseudo-scientific labels for "dominant" and "submissive" men. (Avoid.) Not a meaningful way to sort people, and a bad lens for understanding attraction.

The short version

Most pickup vocabulary describes ordinary social skills with dramatic names. "Opener" is what you say first. "IOI" is a sign of interest. "Threading" is following up on what someone said. Learn those freely.

The words in the last section are different. They describe treating someone as an obstacle, and you don't need any of them. If a piece of advice only makes sense once you've stopped seeing the other person as a person, skip it.

If you want to put the useful terms into practice, Flow lets you log approaches, see your outcome funnel from got number to dating, and post field reports to the forum, without counting anyone.